Why Working Out Helps with Confidence

I was every bully’s dream target.

I didn’t know how to communicate. I was a small Asian guy with no friends, and I was skinny. This mix of traits made me the perfect victim for bullies, and for the first 12 years of my life, that’s exactly what I was. I got beaten up, made fun of—you name it. The bullying only stopped when I transitioned from primary school to high school, purposely choosing a school where the bullies weren’t going.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of my suffering. The years of bullying left me with trauma. I lived in a constant state of fight or flight, always on edge, fearing that the torment would start again. Luckily, it didn’t. But to say I lacked confidence would be an understatement. I had some friends, but no one respected me. They could sense my insecurity and lack of confidence from a mile away. Making friends was hard, and getting attention from women felt impossible.

But despite all of this, I was somehow blessed with the belief that I could change things.

I started researching online and stumbled upon self-improvement videos on YouTube (back when YouTube was still in its early days). That’s where my transformation began.

Honestly, I didn’t start working out to solve my insecurity. My insecurity stemmed from my inability to be social, so I tackled that first (which I’ll dive into in another post). But I always had a passion for fitness. To make a long story short, I just wanted to look like Goku, and I was amazed to learn that you could build muscle simply by lifting weights. So that’s exactly what I did, starting 14.7 years ago.

I didn’t start working out to gain confidence or to seek approval from others. I just wanted to look like my favorite anime character, Goku. But getting in shape had an unexpected side effect: it developed a deep sense of self-confidence that I hadn’t found anywhere else.

Most people think confidence comes from the way you look. That’s only partially true. If your confidence relies entirely on your appearance, you’re in trouble. The real reasons why working out helps build confidence go much deeper.

First, people treat you with respect. People respect things that are hard to achieve—whether it’s wealth, a skill, or fitness. Fitness is unique because the effort you put into it is visible. You don’t have to earn respect; people instantly respect the effort you’ve put in. It’s easier to be confident when people treat you with dignity, especially if you’re used to being disrespected. It might seem superficial, and I admit it is, but that’s just the world we live in.

Second, you become an anomaly. While comparing yourself to others isn’t ideal, it’s practically impossible to avoid. Knowing you’re an anomaly—someone who has achieved what few others have—can boost your confidence. It’s not about thinking you’re better than others; it’s about the satisfaction of achieving something rare.

Most men have beer bellies, and many don’t exercise at all. Even those who do often don’t see significant results because they’re doing things wrong. Social media might make you think the world is full of fitness models, but that’s far from the truth. Maybe only 3% of people my age are fit, and even fewer look like they lift.

Now, let’s talk about self-reliance, the most powerful source of confidence. Believing in yourself and your ability to achieve what you set your mind to is crucial, and fitness is an excellent way to cultivate this inner confidence. No one cares about your health until a crisis occurs, and no one can do the work for you. You have to rely on yourself to lift weights, stick to a diet, and say no to nights out, drinking, and eating birthday cake. This reliance on yourself gradually builds a mindset that’s less concerned with what others think. And not caring what others think is directly linked to confidence. Plus, all those days of self-reliance are physically manifested as muscle, a constant reminder of what you’ve achieved.

Lastly, women are more open to talking to you when you’re fit. Some of our confidence as men does come from the validation we get from women, whether we like it or not. A fit physique helps you pass the initial physical attraction phase, but if your personality is lacking and your confidence is low, you won’t stand a chance. The first thing people notice is your appearance. If you look clean and fit, people, including women, will be more receptive to you.

At the end of the day, it’s possible to build confidence without working out. But let’s be real—it’s a lot harder. Getting fit is the simplest way to build genuine confidence, not the superficial kind often showcased on social media, but real, inner confidence.

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