Why Most People Feel Empty and Hit a Mid-Life Crisis

Hitting 40 and Realizing You’ve Been Living a Life That Isn’t Even Yours
 This is a lot more common than you think.

It’s called a mid-life crisis.

You hit the halfway point of your life, only to realize everything you’ve been doing was either never for you or driven by what society told you was valuable. And let’s be honest here—many people never even hit that realization. Some are consciously avoiding it.

They reach that age with a nagging feeling like they’ve just pissed their years away and feel empty inside, but can’t quite put their finger on why.

In this article, I’m going to lay it all out for you. So if you’re at that pivotal point—or even beyond—see this as a wake-up call. And if you’re younger, consider yourself lucky to come across this realization early so you can avoid it altogether.

Why Do Most People Feel Empty?

The matrix.

Haha—don’t worry, I’m not going into the whole Red Pill / Andrew Tate philosophy. That’s a whole different conversation (and frankly, the red pill itself is just another matrix—but we’ll leave that for another article).

The matrix I’m talking about is the cultural and work matrix.

Everything from your 9–5 job to societal conditioning revolves around doing things that don’t serve your own interests. Let me explain.

Everything we’re told is “normal” or “the way it should be” almost never aligns with your personal goals. And here’s the kicker—everyone has goals, whether you’re aware of them or not. If you don’t define your own goals, the world will hand you a generic set.

Here’s what those look like:

• Get a 9 to 5 job that’s bearable

• Drink on the weekends

• Watch TV

• Have kids

• Take care of your kids

• Go on vacation
  

That’s your “normal” life. And you might notice—nowhere in that list is anything that supports your unique purpose or passions.

If you’ve included working out in your life, congrats—you’re already in the top 10% of people who feel even somewhat fulfilled. But for the rest? This is their reality.

Not so bad on the surface, right? But here’s where it gets dark.

Let’s say you’re socially insecure with zero social skills (a very common issue nowadays):

• Work weekdays, maybe socialize a bit with coworkers

• Drink on the weekends to boost confidence

• With some luck, meet someone at a bar

• Realize later they’re not the one—but hey, at least it’s somebody

• Marry them

• End up in a miserable relationship

• Drink your problems away

• Fall out of love, but stay together “for the kids”

Yup. That could be your life.

Nowhere in the script of “normal” life is there any room for:

• Practicing social skills

• Physical fitness

• Mental strength

• Spiritual growth

• Emotional intelligence

Because let’s be honest: none of those things serve the current system.

Work doesn’t benefit from you:

• Working out

• Becoming socially confident

• Developing mental resilience

• Nurturing your spiritual side

Culture wants you to:

• Pay your taxes

• Buy fancy houses

• Take expensive vacations

• Go out every weekend
  

None of that will develop you as a person. None of it helps you become your best self for you or for others.

Here’s the funny paradox:
If you do focus on personal development—on the things that truly matter to you—you'll actually become more productive, more effective, and potentially an even greater contributor to the world.

But most people won’t take that journey.
They’ll reach a point in life—often past 40—realize they were never chasing their dreams, and face a deep, painful emptiness.

That’s what the mid-life crisis really is.
And that’s why so many people feel lost.

Personal Development

You probably already know the answer to that feeling of emptiness: personal development.

But I’m going to go a little more in-depth than most people. So brace yourself—because I’m passionate as hell about this topic.

Now that you’re aware most people are chasing goals handed to them by society, you can probably see why they end up feeling so disconnected. Society creates the blueprint, and most just follow it blindly. And for many, they don’t realize this until it’s too late.

Well, not too late—but late enough to have a midlife crisis. Let me be clear: it’s never too late. It’s only “late” if you perceive it that way.

But there’s a small group—those rare few—who either intuitively, or out of necessity, dive into personal development. And that decision? That is hands down the most influential and important decision they will ever make.

Why Personal Development Is Important

Because it’s your fucking life.
And you’ve got your own fucking dreams and desires.

It really is that simple.

When you choose personal development, you start creating self-generated goals. You’re no longer living for the goals the world assigned to you. You’re finally:

• Becoming who you want to become
  

• Pursuing your own path
  

• Living your own life

And one of the most powerful side effects? You start to believe in yourself. You begin to understand that you do have control over your life. You’re not stuck. You’re not doomed. You are in charge.

That mindset shift? Don’t underestimate it. It’s everything.

A lot of people genuinely don’t believe they have control over their life.
I used to be one of them.

My Story

I was born in the Netherlands to Vietnamese parents. Because of that, Vietnamese was the only language spoken at home—so it became my first language. And as you might guess, that meant I had a hard time communicating with other kids when I was young.

You can imagine what that did to me.

I became “the quiet kid.” The one who never talked.
Easy target, right? Small Asian kid, no voice, no confidence—bullied to hell and back.
I was the perfect victim.

To keep it short: I developed massive social anxiety. I lived in fear. And no one was there to help me. I had to figure out how to deal with this mess on my own.

Thankfully, this was around the time the internet started becoming mainstream. I made a decision in high school: either I fix this, or I’ll live the rest of my life as that same awkward, scared, introverted kid.

So I went all in.
I read books. I binge-watched YouTube. I obsessed.

Most importantly?
I implemented everything.

Little by little, I got better. My social skills grew. My confidence grew. My entire character shifted.

I became the guy who always talked.
People literally said, “That dude doesn’t shut up.”

And I loved it. Because I saw something incredible:
I could change.
 I had control.
 I was not doomed to be that same person forever.

That, my friend, is the power of personal development.

What You Can Take From My Story

Whatever your goal is right now—make it your #1 priority.

But here’s the catch:
It needs to be self-generated.
Not a goal society gave you. Not something your work expects from you. Yours.

I’ve seen too many socially awkward dudes performing like rockstars at work, while their personal lives are absolute chaos. Why?

Because your job doesn’t care about your mental health.
It doesn’t care about your social skills.
It doesn’t care about your happiness.

All it wants is your output.

And you know what?
Society is the same.
Even your so-called friends, in many cases, don’t truly care about what makes you happy.
You have to do that for yourself.

It’s both liberating and lonely.
But either way—you’ve got to take it seriously.

A Little Warning About Personal Development

This is something I’ve learned recently, and I feel like I need to share it with you.

Yes, I’ve been hyping personal development like it’s the best thing since sliced bread—but it comes with its own downsides.

The past two years, I was grinding hard. I was testing out business after business trying to create financial independence. And yeah, I did it. I succeeded.

But the cost?
My happiness.
My social life.

The very thing I had fought for—my social confidence—I tossed aside in the name of hustle.
And why? Because I bought into the false promises of the internet.

Social media glorifies hustle culture like it’s the only way to go.
They make it look like every real man (or woman) needs to grind 24/7.
And yeah—that’s a dangerous mindset.

So What Do I Mean by That?

I mean this:
A lot of people are out here grinding, building businesses, chasing wealth—not for freedom, not for fulfillment—but to attract women.

Let’s just call it what it is.

They act like they’re on some noble mission to “take care of the family” or “be high value,” but deep down? It’s just insecurity wrapped in ambition.

I call bullshit.

That’s just one example, but it’s a big one. And trust me—I’m tackling that one in a future article.

But the takeaway here is this:
If you’re going to start a personal development journey (which I 100% recommend), do it from a place of authenticity.

Be honest with yourself.

Don’t chase a goal that sounds good if it’s not what you actually want.
Don’t lie to yourself.
Because if you do, you’ll end up burnt out, lost, and more confused than when you started.

Once you know what you really want—go for it.
And don’t act like you don’t know how. The internet has all the information you need.

You just need a little confidence to get the ball rolling.

Confidence Is a Key Ingredient

Yeah, I know—you’ve heard it everywhere by now.

You need confidence to attract women.
You need confidence to chase your dreams.
You need confidence to get the job you want.

We all know this.

But here’s the thing—very few people actually take confidence seriously. If they did, most people would either be living their dreams or at least actively chasing them. But they’re not.

At least, not from what I’ve seen. And I know a lot of people.

These days, everything is on the internet. You can literally learn anything you want—any skill, any field, any mindset. It's all out there.

So what's the real bottleneck?
Confidence.
Belief in yourself.

Just like I mentioned before, a lot of people simply don’t believe they can do what they want to do. They shut the idea down before they even take one meaningful step toward it.

It sounds so simple, but it’s true:
Confidence is the only thing stopping you from going after your dreams and actually achieving them.

So, How Do You Gain Confidence?

As you probably know by now—I’m big into fitness.

So yeah, start with fitness.

I honestly, deep in my heart, believe that if you struggle with confidence and belief in yourself, you should start with your body.

At the end of the day, confidence is just believing that you can do difficult things and come out better because of it.

But here’s the problem:
Most of the things people are confident in? They were assigned those things by school, work, or society. They were told what to do, and they learned to feel safe and “confident” within that box.

But once you step outside of that box into personal development, you’re on your own.
No one is telling you what to do.
No one’s pushing you.
No one benefits from you becoming the best version of yourself—except you.

And that’s exactly why fitness is such a great place to start.

Why Fitness Builds Real Confidence

Because fitness is 100% yours.

No one’s going to drag you to the gym.
No one’s going to cook your meals.
No one’s going to hold your hand through those tough workouts.

You’ve got to do it all on your own initiative.

Maybe a friend or family member might suggest you should “get in shape”—but even then, it’s just a suggestion. No one is going to do the reps for you.

And here’s what’s amazing:
Your body becomes undeniable proof of your own effort.

Every muscle you build, every ounce of fat you burn, every time you push yourself harder—that’s all you. And every time you look in the mirror, you're looking at physical evidence of your discipline, your consistency, and your willpower.

That builds real confidence. Not the fake kind. Not the "I hope I seem confident" kind. The kind that radiates from within.

And beyond that—when your body works well, you feel powerful.
You have energy. You have drive. You can chase your goals with force.
Without a functioning, energized body, good luck chasing anything long term.

Health is wealth, my friend.
And health is also the foundation for your other goals.

That’s it for this email.

Yeah, it’s a long one—but I believe in the power of reciprocity 🙂.

If you want a shortcut to your fitness goals—and you want the right info tailored to you—reply to this email.

Let’s get you moving toward real confidence.